Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Sometimes I Just Want My Life Back

Have you ever had something happen in your life that you wished just never happened? Something that you would do anything to change back to the way it used to be. Ever felt like though the way it use to be wasn’t perfect it’s better than the place you are right now?
That’s how I feel today. Oh how I wish I had the life I had just 1 year ago. Just one year ago I was celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary and couldn’t be happier. I was celebrating my first born graduating high school and preparing for college. I was planning to travel to Georgia for our family reunion to see aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and even relatives that I have never seen before. I was having monthly shop-till-I-drop days, getting the family prepared to travel. I was preparing to celebrate my sister-in-laws wedding, where I had so much going on that I couldn’t afford to be in it. Instead, I was the cheerleader on the side line prepping my husband and daughter for their debut walk down the aisle. My daughter was turning 13 and we gave her the best America’s Next Top Model (ANTM) themed birthday party.  Aintee insisted that we have one for the adult’sJ.I took trips to the grocery store, party store and dollar store to make sure all festivities were enjoyed by all. Boy were those some good times. You know who was there with me every step of the way? "Aintee Connie"
Although she was prepping for things in her life, she was still there every step of the way, with me, during all of my events. Oh I am very grateful to have shared such a fun filled 2010 with her and I know that GOD called her home, but there is a part of me that still wants her here with me.  Many people think a good life consists of fame and fortune and so many strive to get there. I was and still am content with the simple things that life has to offer. I thank GOD that my Mom & Aintee Connie instilled those great values in me every since I was a little girl. I felt my life was as close to perfect as it was going to be. Now it’s really weird to wake up some days and not really care about things that I use to feel were so important. Now, I just live. “Just live” means I do what I please and nothing else really matters because life is too short for all of the hang ups people get caught up in. I have a roof over my head, a husband, healthy ambitious kids, great friends and family. What else do I need?
I really do wish I could have my life back because life is not the same without Aintee Connie. I am also embracing the new life and the new meaning of life to me. I realize that my life will never be the same and I also realize that I have to make the best of the life I now have. I have a purpose in life; we all do and it’s up to us to pray and figure out what our purpose is, to live our lives to the fullest as Aintee Connie did.
Sometimes, I wish I had my life back but I also know that this is the life GOD has planned for me and I must make good on the wonderful life he has blessed me with. Change is good; I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.
A year ago today we lost an extraordinary woman and heaven gained an Angel. We miss you so much Aintee Connie & we know you’re smiling down on us. Keep the energy coming so we can go on knowing we have a true Angel watching over us.

We Love You & Miss You So Much.

P.S. Happy Birthday Auntie Ernestine(Aintee Connie Best Friend/Sister), Uncle Jathan ( Aintee Connie brother), Loni (My niece). I know it's difficult for you all with her passing on your Birthday. There will be a time when we will be able to celebrate with our heads up high. GOD is working on us. Please enjoy your day because you know she would not have it any other way!!

Be a blessing to someone today in memory of "Aintee Connie". We Love You Girl:-)
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